


teachings of renge

by Aspidochelone



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, my attempt at crack, no oc x host club, no pairings in general really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 15:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13999557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aspidochelone/pseuds/Aspidochelone
Summary: there’s a new student at ouran, and renge’s teaching her the ropes. (no oc x host pairings; just renge teaching her new pupil the ways of moe)





	teachings of renge

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: This one-shot is from an oc’s point of view, however, I have no intentions of making a pairing between the oc and anyone else(you know I hate oc x host pairings!). Actually, there really shouldn’t be any pairings, but I may have subconsciously made an accidental haruhi x host club. In addition, Haruhi is referred to as a “he” but obviously the girls think ‘he’ is a he. 
> 
> Reviews and criticisms are welcomed!

It was a normal day at Ouran Academy. The sun illuminated the school, giving it that trademark pink shine, and petals swirled around the building. The grounds were bare of students and the silent atmosphere in the hallways was broken only by the soft _click-clack_ of pretty, new, expensive, designer shoes that somehow matched perfectly with the less-than-attractive yellow dress all females students of Ouran wear.

 

Ozawa Kaiyo marvelled at the large windows, pausing to check her reflection that faintly appeared on the window panes ‒ after all, one as wealthy as herself could never look less than perfect. An heiress of a large publishing company of both e-readers and books, she was new to Ouran and couldn’t wait to get to know her fellow classmates. As she walked, Kaiyo admired the lovely paintings, flinching when she saw one slightly crooked by a few degrees.

 

She would have to inform the headmaster of this incident.

 

Soon, she came upon a set of doors, and, hearing laughter from inside, decided to discover what new adventure laid behind those doors. She looked up and saw a sign.

 

_Music Room 3._

 

She ought to remember this place. Perhaps she would make a friend or two. Opening the doors slightly, Kaiyo poked her head in.

 

Inside, she saw seven handsome men conversing with the female students, with some of the girls being in her year. As she gazed on, there was slight movement next to her, and she tilted her head up and to the side to see a pretty girl, who looked to be of French descent, looking down at her.

 

“Hello. I’m Ozawa Kaiyo. Would you be so kind to tell me what club this is?”

 

The girl stared at Kaiyo, as though she was surprised that Kaiyo would have never heard of them. “Why,” the girl exuberantly exclaimed, eyes tearing up a bit, “this is the Host Club, and I am the manager, Renge! Kyoya-kun seems to be tied up at the moment, but fear not! I, Houshakuji Renge, shall teach you all you need to know about the Host Club in order to become a healthy and active member of their fanbase!”

 

Kaiyo was already intrigued by this lovely club, and was excited to become apart of it.

 

“Follow me.” Renge lead Kaiyo to a table off to the corner, and motioned for Kaiyo to sit down. Pouring them two cups of tea, Renge began her lesson.

 

“Where should I even begin? I guess I should tell you the members first, otherwise, how would you even know who I’m talking about!. The tall blond one with the rose in his hand is Suoh Tamaki, the princely type.” As Renge pointed at the boy, Tamaki, Kaiyo noted his handsome features with a blush. She was not use to seeing so many handsome guys up close. Renge continued, “But he’s a big phony, so I would watch out for him. He nearly ruined Kyouya-kun’s business, but luckily, I managed to save the day! He may act all loving, but, really, he’s really faking it. I mean, who even sits in the corner to …”

 

xxxxx

 

By the end of the hour, Renge had finish informing Kaiyo about the boys of the Host Club. After discussing how much of an imposter Tamaki-kun was (“I mean, mushrooms?! They aren’t even matsutake*!” raged Renge. “It just goes to show you how little class Tamaki-kun has!”), Renge decided to discuss the twins with Kaiyo. As she was telling Kaiyo about their brotherly love (“Their forbidden brotherly love is just so _moe_ ! I could eat three bowls of rice!”), some girls had decided to sit down with them ( _“Are you talking about the Hitachiin brothers?” “Isn’t Hikaru just the perfect seme, and Kaoru the perfect uke?” “Their love is just so beautiful!” “Careful Haruka-kun! You nearly got blood on me!”_ ).

 

When Renge had moved onto Hani (“He carries that bunny with him _everywhere_ and is always eating cake. Strange, but it works,” she said, shrugging her shoulders), a group of girls had approached them and asked to sit down ( _“Hani-senpai is_ so _cute, and‒” “‒that thing he has with his cousin is‒” “‒just so_ kawaii _~!”_ ). Though Kaiyo had no idea what this _moe_ was exactly, despite hearing it at least twice, thought that it would be better to learn about the relationship between the two cousins ( _“You mean you don’t know?! Mori-senpai has, like,_ sworn _to protect Hani-senpai.” “Where did you hear_ that _, Miki-kun?” “It’s_ so _obvious Sakura-kun. I mean, have you seen how protective Mori-senpai is?” “... true”_ ).

 

In fact, word must have gotten out that Renge was _teaching the new girl a lesson, Momoko-chan, we simply_ have _to help out a fellow student in crisis_ because the next thing Kaiyo knew, they had upgraded from a slightly small table to a _much_ larger table, and girls were telling Kaiyo how if she had to make sure Kyouya knew that she was interested, or else _how are you supposed to be hosted, Kaiyo-san?_ Kyouya, according to the girls was very kind (“ _Except he can be so_ cold _, Kazumi-chan, honest! I heard from Tamaki-kun that he’s a demon if woken up!” “Why would you listen to Tamaki-kun, Momoko-chan? You know he exaggerates things. I’m sure Renge-chan agrees with me!” “That’s right, Kazumi-chan! Momoko-chan, don’t listen to that phony. He’s just making things up. I know for a fact Kyouya-kun would_ never _hurt a fly!” “But haven’t you seen that scary thing he does with his glasses? It gets all cloudy, and you can never tell what he’s thinking”_ ), and would help her get a host of her liking.

 

(In fact, Kaiyo was quite surprised with how many girls were there after Renge had finished her lesson on the Host Club.)

 

“... and finally, our newest edition, Fujioka Haruhi! Haruhi-kun is so kind and handsome, and, even though he is a commoner, shows great taste by seeing through Tamaki’s fake actions! I’ll admit, he seems a little more feminine than the other boys, but that trait has allowed him to reach beyond the surface of us delicate women, and his fellow students! And the way he interacts with the other hosts is just so,” Renge took a deep breath, hearts forming in her eyes, “MOE!”

 

“Moe?” Kaiyo timidly inquired, for, despite reading, and re-reading, all the books in her family’s small library (massive from a commoner’s point of view), had never heard of such a word. This word had came up a lot in their conversation, but Kaiyo never got a chance to ask about it.“What is that?”

 

If Renge had looked shock at Kaiyo’s lack of knowledge of the Host Club, nothing could be compared to her, and the other girls’, astonishment when Kaiyo had openly declared that she did not know what moe was.

 

“Waahh! Kaiyo-chan doesn’t know what moe is!”

 

“How is this even possible?!”

 

“This is terrible!”

 

“How could our education fail us?!”

 

“Kaiyo-chan, don’t worry, we’ll help you!”

 

“That’s right, Haruka-kun!” Renge announced, having recovered from her shock. There was a determined glint in Renge’s eyes. “Girls, this is a disaster that we must fix! We cannot allow one of our own to stay in the dark for so long! Operation: Show Kaiyo-chan What Moe Is has commenced!”

 

xxxxx

 

Kaiyo-chan was astounded by how quickly the girls worked to help her understand a word. It brought tears to her eyes to see how much everyone cared enough about her to create a incredible plan.

 

The girls had asked Haruhi to bring them a tray of tea, and requested Kyouya to place a book that had the pictures of the Host Club in it, as they had all left their own copies at home. The books printed by the Host Club every now-and-then held all the possible moe moments that occured in between editions. Unfortunately, the Host Club had none left in stock, and they would have to wait a couple of days to receive the next issue which was far too long, considering the magnitude of the situation.

 

So they would have to settle with discussing the next course of action over tea.

 

Except….

 

When Tamaki heard that the girls desired the newest copy of the Host Club, he had promptly exclaimed how _we shouldn’t let lovely princesses leave without their desires fulfilled, Okaa-san**! After all, we are gentlemen, and gentlemen never leave a lady unsatisfied!_

 

The twins, naturally, took that as their cue to engage in their brotherly love, plus Haruhi, who was approaching the group of girls to give them their tea.

 

“H-Hikaru! How c-could you leave me f-for Haruhi!”

 

“Kaoru, I would never leave you!”

 

“Hikaru!”

 

“Could you guys cut it out?”

 

“Kyaaaaaa~” The female students swooned at the twins’ display of love. “Hikaru, Kaoru, _and_ Haruhi?! It’s so _moe!”_

 

 _‘Ah, so perhaps this is the ‘moe’ they were talking about,’_ Kaiyo mused. If this was moe, she could certainly see the appeal. Three handsome guys in a relationship, with two of them being in a forbidden one? The thought alone caused Kaiyo to squeal, “ _MOE!_ ” at the twins.

 

Though Operation: Show Kaiyo-chan What Moe Is had been a success, the ladies could not believe their eyes when they saw Tamaki wave his arms wildly at the sight of the trio, accidentally knocking Haruhi over Hani, and spilling the tea and china just in front of Kyouya. Mori had, luckily, picked up Haruhi before she could fall on Kyouya (to the slight disappointment of some of the girls) and the shards of porcelain.

 

“Haruhi, this uniform costs ¥300,000, and that particular tea set was limited edition from Ginori and costs ¥1,478,909. I’ll have to add it to your debt since you did break it,” Kyouya said calmly, not even looking at the expensive china that littered the floor.

 

“Kyaaa~,” screamed the girls, including Kaiyo. “Kyouya-sama forcing Haruhi-kun to stay in the Host Club by increasing his debt because Kyouya-sama doesn’t want Haruhi-kun to leave is so _moe_!”

 

“Don’t worry, Haruhi!” Renge declared. “I’m recording this moment for all of posterity! We will never forget this as long as we live, and we swear to pass down this story!”

 

“Renge-kun, that really isn’t nece‒”

 

“Nonsense, Haruhi-kun,” interrupted Renge. “This is a moment to be treasured! In fact, I’ve finished!”

 

She brandished all her drawings of the scene, as well as the scenes that lead up to this glorious moment at the hosts and the rest of the girls.

 

“I’ll help,” Kaiyo bravely ventured. “My parents own a publishing company. I can get them to place your works of art onto the e-readers and I’ll even convince them to allow you to publish books to commemorate this moment.”

 

“No, wait, please don‒”

 

“Of course!” Renge exclaimed.

 

Finally, all her meticulous notetaking and drawings of the Host Club from the past year would be appreciated by others!

**Author's Note:**

> a/n:
> 
> * Matsutake are very expensive mushrooms. I think they can be $1000 usd per pound. (And yes, I did search up ‘expensive mushroom’, and discovered this particular mushroom species that is in Japan.)
> 
> ** Okaa-san = mother.
> 
> All of these names are from a random Japanese name generator, plus I used Wikipedia to understand the honorifics and translators for japanese words, so any I apologize if I used them incorrectly, or if I offend anyone. Just tell me, and I’ll fix it!
> 
> For the tea set, I remembered Ginori being the manga (also, I’m rereading it), so searched up ridiculously pricey Ginori (I cut the price off at $13,950 usd, and that was just a tureen (some pot-thingy), so I used that as the price of the tea set, and converted it to yen(¥).)
> 
> And I do apologize for any writing errors, and the rushed ending. I’ve never been good with those….
> 
> Reviews and critics are appreciated!


End file.
